The 13 Guys You’ll Meet on a Dating App
An educational exercise
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Daz, 37
I’m a marriage-minded individual. That means I believe in marriage. I believe so strongly in everlasting marriage that I’ve added this photoshopped image of my disembodied head surrounded by interlocked wedding rings; the word “marriage” in a fancy, romantic font; a glass of red wine; a bottle of red wine; a piece of sheet music (the “Wedding March”); and a random piece of red fabric tossed ever so seductively, to represent your panties. When I’m not thinking about marrying you, I’m out here trying to save these kids from the Streets. On my bucket list: Getting Married.
E, 34
Females want you to jump through all kinds of hoops just to get a text back. That’s the wrong move to make with me because I’m not auditioning for shit. DON’T play with me. If you like wing flats, watching Power, and lowkey being threatened, get at me.
Marcus, 41
I’m just out here living life and loving life. And loving the life I’m living. Looking for that special lady who knows what she wants out of life. And how to live life and love life. To the fullest.
Derrick, 47
47-year-old male veteran, a very strong man. I speak my mind. Like a man. On the weekend, you can catch me grilling things and watching football. My name is Derrick but you can call me D-Man. And I gotta warn you: I’m a flirt because I am a Man! That’s a capital M. I know you see it.
Shawn, 48
Let me be up front: First date is at my house. Some of y’all females just want a free meal. I’m not falling for that. And notice I didn’t say “all females.” I said “some females.” That means not my mama, my sisters, my aunts, my cousins, or my daughter. Just the rest of you.
Clavell, 44
I’m looking for that one special women. An imperfect women who is perfect for me. A women with goals in her life. Chickenheads need not apply. I learned how to spot y’all by reading The Mack Within: The Holy Book of Game by Tariq Nasheed, my favorite author. He also wrote The Art of Mackin’, which is like my dating Bible. Taught me how to get with a top-notch women like yourself.
