Member-only story

Taking the Knife

On kink in queer spaces

Randa Jarrar
Gay Mag
11 min readOct 10, 2019

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Illustration by Carmen Johns

II found a dungeon that hosts events that are exclusively queer. Most attendees are people of color, and I walked in to the sounds of slaps, moans, and laughter. Leo, the “doorboi,” was dressed in slacks, a dress shirt, and a black tie. They told me I could walk right in, but to be prepared that Mx. Cele “was being fucked with knives.” Leo is biracial and has a side shave, roots dark and curls bleached blond and haloing their face. They’re a bratty bottom and a commanding presence. I trust Leo more than any cis-gendered dude bouncer. They asked me to leave my belongings in the coat closet and welcomed me in.

Beyond the front waiting room was the loft, decked out in gear: a St. Andrew’s cross, glowing red and black; a spanking horse bench; a large bird cage; a white, four poster bed; hooks hanging from the ceiling; a padded bench with a cage locked underneath it. Someone was curled in there, sucking a lollipop.

When Leo had said that Cele was being fucked by knives, I had no actual idea that they meant it literally. Cele was spread on a bench while a butch daddy stood between her legs, holding a large knife, and pumping it in Cele’s pussy. I was standing behind Cele so I couldn’t tell if this was really happening. There was a crowd cheering on the scene — all women, mostly of color. The domme yelled at us, saying we were…

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Gay Mag
Gay Mag

Published in Gay Mag

A new magazine from Roxane Gay offering some of the most interesting and thoughtful cultural criticism to be found on the Web. Our first quarterly is coming in June 2019. We value deep explorations, timelessness, and challenging conventional thinking without being cheap and lazy.

Randa Jarrar
Randa Jarrar

Written by Randa Jarrar

Writer of the books A MAP OF HOME, HIM, ME, MUHAMMAD ALI, and LOVE IS AN EX COUNTRY.

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