Gay’s Best of 2019

Some of our favorite essays this year

Gay Magazine came online on May 1, 2019. Since then, we’ve published 109 pieces by 94 different writers: essays, cultural criticism, and short fiction that we believe in and handle with care. Some of our writers were well known and established, many were publishing for the first time. These are some of our favorites from the past eight months.

The Pleasure Scale, by Jane Eaton Hamilton

“Many parts of my body are numb from surgery. My inner thigh on the right side from open heart surgery. Under my left boob from open heart surgery. My left chest all the way up to my neck from an autologous transplant, with an exception for a quixotic sliver of nipple. My right thumb from the other autologous transplant. The top of my back hurt in a vehicular accident. The inside of my right arm from the transplant. My right nipple from breast surgery.”

Music as a Lifeline, by Tracy Lynne Oliver

“There’s a moment after daughters become mothers when their mother falls from the pedestal, wings shatter, glow dims. My moment came when my daughter was six months old and I was a twenty-four-year-old new mom, living a waking nightmare of inadequacy and worry.”

Mother: A Dictionary, by Jen Soong

“There is an expression 吃苦 chī kǔ that translates into “eat bitterness.” It is often used by parents to remind a child that life requires us to endure hardships.

I look at my reflection in the mirror and repeat a mantra: “I am not my mother. I am not my mother.””