Erotic Despair

The Body in Love and Sickness

Rachel Yoder
Sep 4, 2019 · 13 min read
Illustration by Carmen Johns

ItIt begins in the synapses. Jesus, does it ever. First half a pill, and then a whole one, and I am floating in a twilight I remember from my early 20s of sad holidays with a boy who I loved and who hurt me, pills and a rumpled bed and drawn blinds and a flashing blue television.

Now, this time, the pills are to quell my anxiety and hopefully, in turn, an immune…